Over-scheduled and Stressed Out

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I just got this question from a dance mom on my website: “What would you suggest for the stressed out high schooler/ dancer? My son has so much on his plate and as a family we don’t get to see each other until Friday night.”

I hear this a lot. Although the specifics differ, the dancers I work with and talk to are living highly scheduled lives. They’re running from school to dance, then eating dinner at 9:00pm and doing homework until the wee hours. It can be hard to feel on top of anything at such a pace.

How do you handle this as a dancer? As a family?

There is no simple fix, but here’s a place to start.

First, determine what you need more of. 

  • Sleep?
  • Sit-down Meals?
  • Family time?
  • Alone time?
  • Time for schoolwork?

Yes, yes, and yes! I hear you, but for purposes of getting started, try to pick only one or two things. Then take a look at your average day and week. Usually, there’s some time in there, often in between two scheduled things, that could be better used.

Here are two concrete examples:

  • Maybe on the train (or car) ride to dance class, you could either do some schoolwork or use the time for self-care, like listening to calming music or doing a breathing exercise.
  • Maybe you’re a person who does homework with your phone next to you, inviting distractions and multi-tasking. Homework can take twice as long when interrupted, so try putting your phone in another room and applying your full mind to the task at hand. Most people find that when they focus completely, they work faster and more efficiently. If that’s true for you, then you’ve just created more time in your day.

More generally though, try these things:

  • Prioritize downtime: When faced with the option of adding another thing to your schedule, resist. Make sure you’re getting some unscheduled downtime every week when you can relax and recharge (in whatever way works best for you).

This includes dancing. It’s important to take at least one day off per week from dancing. Resist the urge to do class on a Sunday!

  • Prioritize self-care: Although we all can use more self-care, dancers need it more than most. The physical, mental, and emotional demands of training alongside an academic schedule can produce faster than normal burnout.

Be sure to make time for sleep (at least 8 hours/night), resting your body (legs up, couch time), and eating healthy meals three times a day. It sounds basic, but cutting any of these corners can make you feel even more stressed.

  • Minimize social media: yeah, yeah, you’ve heard this one before. The thing is, unless you don’t own a smartphone, you probably spend a lot more time on social media than you’re aware of. Start keeping track of how many times a day you pick up your phone to check a text message or Instagram or Snapchat or Facebook. Imagine if you created mini-breaks from media to turn your attention to self-care or family-time? It’s an experiment worth trying. You might find you feel calmer and more on top of things.

I suggest adopting one of the above and committing to it for the next three weeks. See how it goes and if you feel any less stressed. Then move on to the next thing. Slowly, over time, you can build new habits for yourself and your family that offer little pockets of sanity. And hopefully, you’ll feel the difference!

 

Injured? Don’t Audition. Here’s Why.

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So you’re all set to hit auditions and then you get injured. Not a major injury, but something painful enough that it’s got you thinking about whether or not you should push it. What do you do? To answer this question, consider the next scene.

Imagine you have the stomach flu. You are hanging over the edge of your toilet bowl all morning in agony both from the flu and the fact that you have an audition that afternoon. What would you do? Would you put your dance clothes in a bag, and storm the studio regardless of the fact that you probably won’t make it through class?

I’m going to make an educated guess here and say that in the second scenario, although you might wish otherwise, you probably wouldn’t even consider attending that audition. For one, you can’t predict how your body will react: you could get sick at any time. Secondly, you know you won’t be able to dance your best. Thirdly, well, really, there’s no need for another reason because those two are enough, right?

When sickness strikes, especially something unpredictable like a stomach bug, we tend to retreat. We recognize we aren’t in control and surrender ourselves to staying home and healing.

So, when it comes to injury, why would some dancers go to the audition anyway? 

I’m being overdramatic for effect. Of course there are reasons you would want to go:

  • it’s your dream school/company and you’ve been preparing all fall for this moment
  • not going eliminates this place from your options for summer/fall
  • the injury is probably nothing…surely it can’t get that much worse from one class?

Here’s the problem though, and it’s simple: you won’t dance your best.

This is true in part because you’d be making adjustments to avoid the injured area, which would inevitably affect your dancing. Your mind couldn’t be 100% in the moment and focused, so you might look distracted. So you’d be doing some weird technical stuff and looking distracted. But even worse, you would risk injuring yourself further, which would be the worst possible outcome.

Basic rule of thumb for auditions and injury: if you won’t dance your best, then don’t dance at all.

The good news is, you have options to be seen. Depending on who you’re auditioning for and the circumstances, I would have specific recommendations for you –  recommendations that have been met with success.

So if this happens to you, first, imagine it’s the stomach bug and ask yourself how you would make your decision. Then, reach out and find out what your other options are.

 

Ham and Cannellini Bean Soup

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If you live in a cold climate, then you probably already eat lots of soup in wintertime. If you haven’t ever made soup, give it a try! It’s one of the simplest meals to make, is very forgiving, and stores well. (See here for my vegetable soup recipe.)

For busy dancers, soup keeps well in the fridge (or freezer) and heats up in an instant. If you have trouble finding energy to prepare dinner on a regular basis, having a big container of soup in your fridge makes it a lot less time-consuming. Pair with a side salad or a piece of chicken for a complete meal, or with a piece of crusty bread for a snack before collapsing into bed.

I am a big fan of bean soups as they deliver protein in a non-animal way – most of us consume a lot of animal protein and not enough beans and legumes.

Soups are also a good platform for whole grains: rice, quinoa, or a more exotic grain like freekah, can all be dumped into a pot of boiling broth to give body and nutrients to your concoction.

I made a version of this recipe in the slow cooker* over the holiday break and froze half of it. It’s thawing for tonight as my answer to yet another rainy, grey, and raw day in NYC. The silky beans take on the smoky flavor of the ham hock and the result is a deeply satisfying, rich bowl of goodness. It’s a meal in itself.

  • Chicken broth (2 quarts)
  • one smoked ham hock
  • 3-4 cans cannellini beans
  • sliced red onion
  • herbs de provence, 2 teaspoons
  • salt and pepper to taste

Sautee the sliced red onion in a little olive oil until soft. Add herbs de provence and stir till fragrant. Pour in chicken broth, beans and finally ham hock. Bring to a boil, then lower the heat, cover, and let simmer for about 30 minutes. Remove the ham hock from the soup and pull off the meat. If you like ham, add the pieces back in to the soup. If not, discard.

Pour into a bowl and eat with a crusty piece of bread or a side salad.

*For the slow cooker version, use a 1-pound bag of dried cannellini beans that you’ve soaked overnight and 2 quarts chicken broth; toss everything in the slow cooker (no need to sautee anything) and put the cover on. Cook 6-8 hours on low heat. 

Audition Prep: Put Your Blinders On!

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You may have seen horses with blinders on, or heard the phrase, “It’s like he had blinders on.” Blinders are a small piece of leather placed over part of the horse’s eye and do not blind the horse, but narrow its view to the road or track ahead. Often racehorses wear blinders to keep their focus on the track rather than distractions around it. When referring to people with blinders on, the image is used as a metaphor for a person who isn’t seeing everything that’s around them, or maybe has a narrow point of view.

When it comes to auditions, a narrow semi-blind point of view is exactly what you want.

Like horses, dancers have eyes that wander; you look at the other dancers in your audition as well as the artistic panel watching you. While this is completely normal, it’s also totally distracting and can negatively affect your experience.

The most common pitfall is that looking at others can cause a collapse in your self-confidence. There *will* be dancers who are more technically advanced than you, more flexible, and taller/shorter/stronger/weaker. None of those facts needs to have any impact on how you perform at the audition, but it will if you let your confidence erode at the sight of your competition.

A second pitfall is that dancers are so focused on seeing how they measure up that they miss nuances in the combinations. The result can be that you dance like someone who doesn’t pay attention to details. Not good.

Finally, if you are distracted, you will look distracted. Directors are looking for focused, serious dancers who are “in the room” mentally and emotionally, as well as physically. If you check out whether from loss of confidence or distraction, it will show.

Don’t let this happen to you. Know your habits. Prepare for potential distractions. Start putting your blinders on today, and practicing what it’s like to turn your focus to your teacher and yourself, blocking out anything and anyone that interferes with that.

Because like a horse in race, a dancer in an audition experiences nerves, excitement, and many distractions – you might as well be ready for it.

 

 

Audition Prep: Familiarity and Routine

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“Last time I auditioned, I was up till midnight printing out my resume. I had totally forgotten to do it earlier.”

* * *

“Last year, I didn’t wear my usual class skirt to one audition and it completely threw me off.”

 

I’ve already started talking about how auditions can be scary, unpredictable experiences – see here– which upset your normal schedule and mindset. Your brain likes routine; it enjoys being able to predict what’s coming up. When it gets jostled by sudden last-minute changes, your brain can either get pumped at the challenge or totally freak out. Hopefully you know yourself well enough to know which camp you fall into. Either way, you can reduce anxiety by making the audition process as familiar as possible, before the actual audition.

What does that mean?

Stress and anxiety are born from many things, but some last-minute, unexpected changes to routine can be anticipated and controlled by you. For example, take the second quote and imagine this is you. Every day, all year round, you wear a similar outfit for class: a leotard and a skirt. You are used to seeing your reflection in the mirror with a skirt on. While it might seem like a minor detail to a non-dancer, dancers know that altering your own reflection can be as disorienting as dancing without a mirror. For the dancer quoted above, it proved to be a major distraction for the duration of the audition.

Distraction = lack of focus = stress and anxiety. 

The solution is simple: start dressing now the way you will dress for your next audition. If you never wear pink tights, but know you’ll have to for auditions, then start as soon as possible; get used to the reflection of yourself you’re about to see in the audition. It’s one less distraction and one less source of possible stress.

Another upset to your routine is the extras that come with auditioning: maybe you’ll have an extra long commute to the audition, or need to pack extra food; you’ll definitely need things like resumes, cover letters, and pointe shoes that are ready to go. Leaving these details until the last minute and then not expecting them to stress you out is a little crazy. (See first quote, above.)

So start planning now. If you’ll need extra snacks, figure out what and plan to shop ahead of time. If you don’t have a printer (or even if you do), get those final drafts written and printed at least two days before the audition. The sooner it’s done, the calmer your brain will be, and the less it will weigh on you.

Familiarity + routine = calmer, happier brain = calmer, happier you. 

Good luck to everyone auditioning this weekend!

Negativity: Wipe It Out in 2017

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It’s a New Year, so you know what the means, right? You have to set a bunch of goals, make resolutions, and make it the best year ever!

Ugh. That’s not only a tall order, it also freaks a lot of people out. What if, instead, you decided to change the way you think about things. That, in turn, could lead to more control of your mind, with the eventual goal of being in a better place. What about that?

Everyone experiences negativity and negative thoughts. It’s part of the natural evolution: remembering negative experiences helps us protect ourselves from them in the future. But continuous rumination is not only unnecessary, it’s harmful to our health and wellbeing.

This New York Times’ piece from early January suggests starting with acceptance of your negative thoughts. Pushing them away or  telling yourself to stop thinking them will only make it worse. “Instead, notice that you are in a negative cycle and own it.”

For example, you might find yourself reliving a bad class. Tell yourself, “I am obsessing about my mistakes in class today.” Once you’ve accepted that, then try to challenge the reason why you’re obsessing. Two common concerns I hear about bad classes are “I’m a terrible dancer” and “My teacher probably thinks I’m not even trying anymore.”

But is that really true? Are you really a terrible dancer because you made a few mistakes? And just because you’ve had a bad class or haven’t been able to apply a correction means you’re suddenly lazy and don’t care? Unlikely.

It’s more likely that you just had a bad class. Everyone has bad days and even the professionals make mistakes regularly. End of story.

The Times article has more great suggestions like giving yourself the same advice you’d give to a friend and digging deep to understand what, if anything, you are accomplishing by thinking negatively. Read it for yourself and consider taking them up on their New Year’s challenge of quitting those thoughts.